Cheap, pimple-free & not autistic

I read the recent autism study that reports 1 in 60 boys are born with autism. I'm not making this up, stuff I make up is far more believable than that. Read it for yourself at the CDC site: http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/features/counting-autism.html

This is not happening in other countries. This is an unprecedented increase of about a bajillion percent. Bajillion is too a number. It has to be something we're eating, or breathing, or rubbing on our skin. That or radioactive mosquito escapees from a government lab that did not get the memo about the war on women and are confusedly attacking the wrong sex. Radioactive mosquitos are really stupid that way and are about twice as likely to attack male fetuses than female fetuses.

In seriousness, it's scary shit and no one knows why it's happening. I think we can all agree that the immunization theory has been thoroughly debunked, leaving us exactly nowhere. For me, I know that I eat a lot of things from questionable origins, probably sprayed with toxic chemicals that some agency somewhere decided is "safe". The same agencies that have assured us time and again that the seafood coming out of the Gulf (post BP oil spill) is totally safe despite the deformities and mutations in about 10% of specimens studied! Shrimp without eyes? Delicious! Crab without claws? Convenient! Fish with tumors? More meaty!

This isn't of immediate concern to me, as I've decided to breed at the last possible moment, if at all. Picture Beulah, my last viable egg, shriveled, dehydrated, rheumatic, pouring one out for her fallen homies when I call her up on her mobile. Beulah answers, expecting meals on wheels or maybe a term life insurance agent or perhaps she'd been investigating a reverse mortgage and instead she has to hurry home and tidy up and make some tea because about a million sperm are on their way over.

Anyway, might breed, someday. In thinking of that, as well as being incredibly cheap, I've been investigating ways to introduce less potential autism or cancer causing agents into my life.

Welcome to my first installment of
Cheap & Green & Probably-Won't-Cause-Death: The face edition
The best homemade alternative I've found so far came from Dr. Oz. It's an acne fighting, exfoliating scrub that is practically free. Crush 4 - 6 aspirin, mix with a little bit of lemon juice and then wash your face. It's like magic. Pimple fighting, pore exfoliating magic.

I'd like to apologize for having to tell you about the devastating new autism research and Beulah my geriatric ova in order to tell you about the magic, but that's just how my brain works.